I believe who lives, who dies, who is born in what part of the world is the luck of the draw. Having taken care of people professionally for thirty year has given me an inside glimpse into the world of the living and the dying. Sometimes the ones that are the sickest or most injured, recover while the less sick or less injured end up dying. No rhyme or reason to it, just the luck of the draw.

We like to tell ourselves if we live a good, unselfish life we will be one of the lucky ones who live. Taint so. Even the most giving, loving, godly people die sometimes while the evil amongst us live. No rhyme or reason.

I say let us treat every moment as if it were our last. Laugh without embarrassment, love with abandonment, seek with genuine interest, give with no expectation of reward, compliment with purity, give thanks for what you have not what you want and live with a passion.

Keep up the good work, my friend. Love ya.

Realistically, your life has produced many horrors mine has not. I can only read and imagine what it was like to be a child robbed of her innocence. But I never lived it, unlike you. In this regard, I do not know your experience. But the mind is a fragile thing and not everyone responds the same. Some become stronger, more understanding and loving as a result of turbulent times. Others become broken, like Humpty Dumpty, never to be put together again. Most of us, however, live somewhere in between and try to fix ourselves, over and over each new day. Sometimes we succeed; sometimes we fail. The important thing to remember is we keep trying. Hang in there. We may remain a cocoon, never emerging as a butterfly, but we can be the best cocoon the world has ever seen, my friend.

Mike,

My heart hurts for your loss. Being a parent myself, I have always felt the most tragic thing that could happen to me is the loss of one of my children (and now grandchildren). When you get your memories committed to written words, I would love the opportunity to get to know your son thru your remembrances. As long as there is someone left on earth to remember, a person lives eternally.

When he died, a part of me died with him. But another part of me lives on and carries the memories of him, memories I am slowly committing to paper and hope to finish writing someday. He has been gone only a short time compared to Denise, but like you I am growing and learning from the experience of having him in my life for almost 16 years. I can already feel the changes in my perceptions and attitudes on life and family, and I know there will be many more as time continues to pass. My son’s influence on my life, and the lives of his family and friends, has been greater than we could have ever imagined, and I can only hope that we all will continue to learn and grow while keeping his memory alive, much like you have done with your memories of Denise.

I firmly believe there is a reason God has allowed us to escape that torturous pit, if only temporarily. And I think you are beginning to realize His reason and His expectation of you. Keep up the good work.

I hope that others out there can learn that they are not alone, and that they, too, when faced with those overtaking feelings of wanting to die, will make the choice to go and get help from the lovely people who are out there to help them. Sometimes, that just means phoning a friend for gentle validation of self, instead of admitting oneself to a hospital. You’ve been on the phone with me a couple of times for that very thing, too – not just when I’ve been lost in the in the middle of the night, halfway across the country!

Thanks for being there, Mike and, I love you, too!