If Loving a Squirrel is Wrong, Then I'm Going to be Right

This is not love. It is an example of the foolish of the world allowing a squirrel to live. They're evil and they plant acorns to feed the black demons of Agrahotemun, the worms that feed on the ichor of your eyes. Don't believe their sibilant whispering as they chatter in the tree above your head. They are not casting blessings at your souls, insteaad they are marking you for damnation!

Spare none of the bushy-tail chitterings of hell, but destroy them on sight. Better a dead squirrel than a love one being trapped forever on the plane of Ristlynaroo.