Silent Women Screaming

by Deneen Ansley

The silence in my mind -
It’s deafening!

How does the daughter of a Monster
Live
Words
Not spoken
Heinous acts
Not disclosed
Little girls
Inside of me
Who have shut up their mouths
Against my ability
To see
What they have
Taken
In my stead.

Not knowing
What has been done
Why I am
That I am…
It’s
Confusing.

I’m grateful
I’m thankful
For the silence
Of things unbearable
Separated
From my consciousness.

But
I hate the silence!
I can’t bear the muffled pain
Screaming out
Through me
Upon generations of women
Who simply stand
In silence.

NO MORE!

On this Easter
Dare I begin
A NEW
Resurrection?
Raise us up
Out of silent ash,
White shadow form
A woman of substance?

Can I
Now that I am?
Or, has all of what could have been
Bred out of me
Knocked out of me
Fucked out of me
Yanked out of me,
Loved out of me?

Have I loved OUT?
Only out?
Have I learned too well?
There is no substance outside of here,
TO love?
Inside this body
Am I but ghosts
And hard-shell
Sore covered memories?
Has this thing that has allowed me to survive
Changed me to a nothingness …
The sprinkled hope of wholeness
Turned to steam in the fire?
In the ache?

Oh, my Sisters!
One day, I will remember!
One day we will rejoin those things
Of which you beg me not to speak!
One day,
It will be OUR day.
One day it will all come.

That day draws…closer.
I can feel it.
Right under the surface.

The carefully buried children.
Eyes turned to the dirt
And asses in the air
For the fucking.
Right underneath
The surface of the memories
That I allow myself to see.
The monster.
In the bed.
Under - mining me.
Undermining my self-esteem.
Watching.
Waiting.
Eating the Me’s alive.

Come out, come out wherever you are!!!
Come my sisters.

Why hide
From the light of the new day?
It is time for the dawn!
It is time to wake up
Take up
Our Cross!
For Our Selves -
And the souls of all other

Silent
Women
Screaming


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