Unnatural Acts

“Take me to church?” he’d asked.

“Church?” I’d countered.

“A fundamentalist one. Our country only has Catholics!”

“You sure? They’ll try to save you. There’ll be speaking in tongues, shouting, shenanigans.”

“That would be so cool!”

He’d thought that then. Now, post shouting and singing, where was HE when the pastor was preaching at ME?!

“Excuse me,” I mumble, making my break for the door - only to find him, on the stairs, a look of terror in his eyes!

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t you SEE that? Those people are crazy! Get me the hell outta’ here!”