The Mayan Calendar is Bollocks

The Heavenly Hosts gathered in the Divine Pavilion, armed with golden weaponry and armor. The archangels brandished their razor-sharp spears, the cherubim gripped their supple bows, and the seraphim raised their greatswords, ready to do battle.

Then Almighty God appeared before them, dancing to clicking maracas and clanging steel drums. He took the Archangel Michael's hand and clasped him to His bosom, then turned to a right angle while grasping Michael's outstretched hand.

The Heavenly Hosts all gasped in wonder. And thus God said unto them, "What, did you think today was the Apocalypse? No, I said Calypso dancing, bitches!"